


The monsters of our minds

by The_gayest_little_angel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brother Feels, Canonical Character Death, Dean Winchester Bears the Mark of Cain, Dean is a good big bro, Fire, Heavy Angst, Lots and lots of fire, Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Sam, Suicidal Sam Winchester, Suicidal Thoughts, aaaaaangst, he's just a bit of an idiot, like pure angst, season 10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 14:44:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7109716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_gayest_little_angel/pseuds/The_gayest_little_angel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Charlie's death, staining Sam's hands with her blood amongst all the others, Sam just can't take it any more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The monsters of our minds

**Author's Note:**

> Shortly after I finished writing this fic I watched the episode and realized how off I was, but for the sake of angst, let's just pretend it works. Enjoy!

"I think it should be you up there. Not her."

And so the gentle giant's heart broke. 

Here was his brother, the best man he's ever known, the one who's saved him from everything and everyone including himself. And he was saying that to his face without an ounce of remorse. 

"I'm going back inside. Don't forget to put the fire out," Dean said gruffly, walking back towards the Bunker. "At least that's one thing you're good for."

Sam nodded and turned his attention back to the burning corpse of his little sister. The fire raging around her acting like a throne of flames for the dearly departed Queen of moons.

He swore he could almost hear her bright laughter in the breeze ruffling through the trees. The red of the inferno matched that of her hair, and the stars glimmered like the light in her eyes. Even now she was haunting him, even now with her body set alight not ten feet away from him.

But it was all well deserved, right? After all, it was his fault she died. 

Poor Charlie was just an innocent kid who had the misfortune of calling the Winchesters friends. Family, even. Then there came big bad Sammy, strolling back into her life with a quest just for her. "Help me save Dean." 

"Help me save my brother."

His brother. The only real reason he even bothered staying alive these days. That same brother who swore that he'd always be there for him, who told him that he should be the one burning.

Sam took a step forward, in a stupor of grief.

Charlie died because of his obsession to cure Dean. Because Sam couldn't be there in time when she needed him most.

Sam took another step.

Someone would have to break the news to Cas. Even the angel who hardly knew her loved her and considered the perky ball of sunshine one of his own.

Sam stepped forward once more, the smoke beginning to billow around him.

Dean, definitely. Cas liked Dean better, anyways. Sam was just an accessory pack.

Sam stepped even closer, the flames only an inch away from lapping at his skin.

Cas had the codex, the book, the witch. Sam wasn't really needed anymore, the mark could easily be removed without his help.

Sam took another step, wincing a little through his stony mask as the fire licked away at him teasingly.

Funny. It all started with fire, didn't it? His mother, Jess, the hellfire that consumed Dean when he sold his soul for Sam, the hellfire that ate away at himself in the cage. His life was framed with flames.

He stepped directly into the blaze, refusing to think twice. Or think at all, really.

Dean would be happier this way, wouldn't he? No more worrying about Sammy starting another apocalypse. Cas would be happier with Dean happier. The world would be a safer place. Win-win all around.

Dean came walking back towards the pyre, two beers in hand, and a remorseful look about his face.

"Sam, I'm sorry. That was way too far, and I didn't- Sammy?" He looked around, trying to spot his brother.

Sam just stood still in the the inferno. Blank faced, unseeing, unhearing, he simply stared at the disintegrating body and let the flames eat away at him. Then he collapsed.

"Sammy!" Dean shouted. He ran into the fire and pulled his brother out, shoving him to the ground and patting out the remaining flames with his jacket. 

"Cas!" He shouted hoarsely. "Cas, we need you! Now!"

Castiel appeared in front of him not a second later, a worried expression over taking his features. "I got your message." 

He looked around for danger before seeing Sam on the ground.

"Sam!" Cas crouched down beside him and let his eyes glow blue as he assessed the damage, revealing how scared he truly was.

Laying his hands on the younger Winchester's chest, he cleared the smoke out of his lungs, healed Sam's burns, and brought his heart back to full function.

Sam sat up, coughing heavily.

Dean sighed in relief. "You good, Sammy?" 

Sam sighed. "Yeah, I'm okay." His reassurance was punctuated by a cough.

"Good. NOW WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?" He yelled, gripping Sam's shoulders and shaking him harshly.

"Dean, I-" he was interrupted by his brother's frantic shouting again.

"WHAT THE HELL, SAM? YOU COULD HAVE DIED!" If looks could kill, Dean would have finished him off long before the dying pyre would. Cas laid a hand on his shoulder, urging him to calm down, but staring at Sam with sad intensity.

"Dean, I know." Sam answered, smally.

"You know? What the hell do you mean, you know?" He raged, afraid of where this was going.

To this question, Sam had no answer. He merely hugged his knees to his chest and stared at the ground.

"Sam. I asked you a question." Dean said firmly, crossing his arms. As always, he showed his worry in his expression, rather than his words.

Sam remained silent.

Cas gave Sam an "I'm sorry" look and tapped his forehead with two fingers.

Cas moved away in disbelief, expression verging on mild horror. 

Sam stared back at Castiel, absolutely terrified, begging him with his eyes not to tell Dean.

"Sam, are you trying to kill yourself?!?" Dean yelled, not even thinking of what the words that came out of his mouth meant.

Sam simply hung his head.

"You... You were trying to kill yourself, weren't you?" Dean asked, tone whisper soft. He felt like he was about to puke.

Again, Sam didn't answer.

"Sam?" He asked, hardening his tone a little.

Sam still refused to look up.

"Goddammit, Sam Winchester, you look me in the eye and tell me you weren't trying to kill yourself." Dean commanded, his voice cracking.

Sam finally lifted his head and made eye contact with him. Dean nearly broke at the lost and hopeless look in his little brother's chocolate brown tear filled eyes.

"I- I can't, Dean." He said, brokenly. "You told me not to lie to you, anymore."

With his brother's admission, Dean fell to his knees and held his brother as tightly as he could. Sam hugged him back, touch starved and desperate for comfort.

"Damn it, Sammy." He said, pulling him closer. "Why didn't you tell me you were hurting? I could have helped you."

Castiel chose this moment to finally speak up, stepping closer towards the Winchesters.

"Because he was afraid of burdening you, Dean." He said bluntly.

Dean froze up. 

"He telling the truth, Sammy?"

Sam stayed silent and buried his head in Dean's shoulder.

"Damn it, Sammy." He said softly as he stroked his brother's hair calmingly.

"I know the mark's got everyone tense, and I've said a hell of a lot of things I shouldn't have, but you can always talk to me, man. I'm here for you, I always am. I can't lose you, Sam. You're the only thing keeping me sane. I need my pain in the ass, heart of gold, little brother. Even if he does steal all the hot water." He joked lightly with a soft chuckle.

Sam shifted so that he could look up at his brother. He sniffled and gave him a small smile.

"Now, what do you say we go back inside?" He suggested, getting up and holding a hand out.

"Yeah," Sam said, he sniffled and wiped his nose with his sleeve. "Let's go."

Sam took his hand and the three went back to their new home. And despite the tense atmosphere, Sam felt as though a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. After all, he was right where he belonged. With his family.

**Author's Note:**

> I may write a short follow up piece about Cas telling Sam how much he means to him, but this is a one shot about the Winchesters. Please comment below, constructive criticism is more than welcome. Have a wonderful day, darling!


End file.
